Friday, April 28, 2006

I Can't....Hold back......Any.....Longer.....

Ok. I'm gonna let go a bit of a rant here. I've been trying to refrain, but that cartoon lit the fuse. I've been a gas man for 10 years. I sell gas for a living, and I think I've got a better view of the big picture than most. I've seen prices as low as 35 cents per litre, and as high as a dollar nineteen. It doesn't matter what the price is, the average customer has this vague feeling that he's being ripped off. I just want to point out a couple facts for those unenlightened people.

1. Inflation-adjusted gasoline prices have been declining for almost a century. And at the same time, real earnings have been increasing. So, we have more disposable income, and gas prices as a whole are lower. WTF!! Need I say more? I mean, that pretty much sums it all up, doesn't it? No? Well then...

2. Crude Oil prices peaked, in inflation-adjusted terms, in 1979, at around $98 per barrel. Seems to me that 70$ per barrel is, oh, say $28 less right now. That not good enough for you?

3. 1 Litre of Evian costs around $2.50. A Litre of Gas costs $1.09 right now.

4. A pack of smokes costs $12 bucks.

5. Five text messages cost as much as a litre of gas

6. Taking the time to tear a strip out of the poor, pimply-faced student who's behind the counter and has no control over gas prices costs you 5 minutes of your time, and all of your soul.

7. If one more hippy who drives a '74 Oldsmobile gives me any grief about selling gas and being the problem and not the solution, he or she is getting a punch in the nose.

8. If one more middle-aged success who drives a hummer H2 or equivalent gives me any grief about selling gas at high prices, I will slash his tires, punch out his son, slap his wife, burn down his garage, kiss his daughter in a tremendously dirty manner, staple his dog to his cat, throw axes at his investment adviser, and then I'll charge him an extra 25 cents a litre for being an asshole.

9. Why does everyone think that gas companies are gouging when they net 10 cents a litre, but close their eyes to the fact that our Canadian Government takes in over 50 cents a litre for doing nothing? The gas companies have to find the oil, retrieve the oil, process the oil, transport it, market it, and dispense it at retail sites, and then remit half of their earnings before expenses to a corrupt, lazy, malevolent, bureacratic blob that consumes anything that it touches - and doesn't lift a finger to help the money come in. People, look to the real criminals if you want to assign blame.

10. Real people work for oil companies. They went to school with you. They were your friends. They have good hearts, and sharp minds. They have strong work ethics. They pursue the best for themselves, just as you do. As a result, they command the highest compensations that they can, just like you. Who are you to judge them, and belittle their ambitions. How can you not allow them the things that you also desire?

11. There are twice as many cars on the road than in the seventies, yet emissions are down by up to 36%! Huh.

12. Oil Companies use some of their profits to pursue the development of alternative energies.

Ok. I don't know if it was letting that all out, or getting into the rum a bit, but I feel much more tranquil now. I may rest.


Lisa Vogt said...

Some good points Jer. Definitely something to think about...and to refer people to at parties when the conversation turns to "damn the price of gas sure is high..."

Ace said...

Damn price gougers!!! :P hehehe.

johnnysinge said...
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johnnysinge said...
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T-Dawg Barkman said...

I don't own a gas guzzling vehicle, and i can't say i'm in with the politics of today... but damned if Jer doesn't have some wonderful insight to the messed menalities of "the big companies out to rape you dry" hillbilly know-it-all crazies out there!

Keep shedding the light my man!

*Em* said...

Hi Jer! Enjoy this quote from

gastrick bypass
n. The act of filling one’s tank in $5 increments in the misguided hope that gas prices will soon come down.

n. The mystical art of predicting the future of gas prices. (Actually, my gastrologist said to go with the Prius.)

v. To inch out slowly into the crosswalk in anticipation of the light turning green. (I’d cross behind that car if I were you. It is all about greenticipating.)

n. A woman who speeds through the last milliseconds of a yellow light. (Orange-ginas like her give us all a bad driving rap.)

n. The unfortunate condition afflicting midtown and downtown drivers incapable of parallel parking. (A whole foot from the curb, officer? Damn. Must have been my parallelisis acting up.)

Toot toot. Bleep bleep.